Meditation

I have heard of the great things meditation can do. Going to give it a try. There are new studies out showing that we design our brain. I feel like I need a new one. Meditation is supposed to help change your brain, to shut of excess, etc. I will give it a try.
Woke up at four a.m. Right on schedule considering daylight savings just ended and I used to get up at three. Am I going to waste time til six or go to the Source? let's take door number two.

I want to be codependent on God

"Trust not in the arm of flesh". Yeah, I have learned that one. Or I thought I had. It's like the movie Groundhog Day. I am retested on that everyday. That's just the nature of life. My strategy has been to make things nice and conducive to "peace". Hasn't worked. Maybe I should just punch life and my object of codependency in the face and say, "What the hell do you want?!"
I haven't been doing things for the love of being, but for the need to prove my worth. That's a great way to suck the life out of life and out of those around you that you are trying to 'help'. Time to live on my terms and God's terms. That's the only way this thing is going to work out.

Early morning. I have been up since 3:30 a.m. Laid there and thought for 1/2 hour, cleaned house for an hour. The only dirty clothes in the house take up only parts of two small baskets. I should be able to sit back and relax, only my to-do-list and its completion has come to be a reflection of what I am supposed to be. So, I am still restless, looking for the next thing to check off. My friend says that we are presented w/ the same test over and over until we get it right. If I, as a classic codependent, pull my worth from what I do, (which is contrary to how God works) will He offer me another test in the form of incapacitation? This morning in this quiet house, I am more aware of my thoughts. They are awful. I blame, explain, justify and am disappointed in what I am and who I am. I have been doing that for a long time. Right now, trying to change that conversation and turn to God feels fabricated, but I look forward to the day when it will be natural.

Yoga of Christ

I have started to recognize patterns of inspiration in my life. I have always had the desire to do "what was right". In this effort I have always struggled due to my bag of weaknesses. Selfishness in thinking of my weaknesses so much, trying to please others instead of God, trying to follow a "to do list". Lately, that pattern of inspiration has been about making my sole focus to be Christ.
A dear friend has long been helping me learn in phases about detaching from others and "getting married to God."
Check out the mp3 file "Yoga of Christ" by Philip McLemore at www.sunstonemagazine.com . This talks about detaching ourselves from all else but Christ in a way that i have never before understood.