Good dependencies lead to good independencies

You think when you are younger that you will have "it" together by the time you are thirty or so. It's just assumed. I have some things figured out, but still feel like I am starting from scratch. All the rules have changed. I thought the goal was to "be nice". I think now that if you don't have someone that doesn't like you, then you haven't really been passionate about anything. Makes me want to go start a fight. LOL
My focus now, which is weighed down by my years of being nice, is to have my only dependency be on one - that is Jesus Christ. I was at a TimeOut for Women. The speaker was recounting the story of Jesus walking on water and sweet, spontaneous Peter wanting to go out to meet him. Peter was able to briefly walk on water because his focus was entirely on the Lord. Of course, it was only when his focus was taken off that he fell. I heard the story before, but had never thought much about how they got back to the boat. They WALKED back TOGETHER. Right now I feel the opposite of everything I admire in Peter - spontaneous, fiercely loyal, and dependent on the right person. That's going to change.

This blog is the result of me painfully wanting to relax and enjoy life. It seems like I have always been shy of this goal. After many hours of reading, pondering, praying, counseling, walking (not enough :) ), observing healthy people, journaling, researching, etc. I came across something that I think really pegs it for me. It's a list off of the CoDA website or www.codependents.org entitled "Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence". I was 19 out of 22 listed characteristics. I hesitated naming this blog what I did because it is my aim to GET OUT from under that description, but it fit so well. So here I go journaling my road out of codependency!!!